


Already Gone

by mydreamandi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-04
Updated: 2013-04-04
Packaged: 2017-12-07 11:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydreamandi/pseuds/mydreamandi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even if Zayn is Liam’s number one, he has come to terms that Liam will never be his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Half of this was inspired by the V Festival pics, the other half of it was inspired by Kelly Clarkson’s Already Gone that came on the radio today while I was already sobbing in my tears over Ziam to begin with. It’s sad and it’s not necessarily a happy ending but it matches my feelz. <3 I LOVE YOU GUYS.

It was supposed to be a fun filled day, and Liam usually did have fun with his girlfriend, but lately things with her just didn’t feel right. He knew he loved her though, just there was someone else on his mind. And as often as he never ever admitted it - it always bothered Liam that his best friend was getting under his skin. All of his thinking resulted in having a weird time in a place he usually had a blast at, and with the company of his own girlfriend, he was occupied with thoughts of his best friend. The thoughts that were occupying his brain were getting worse while he was listening to one of his favorite bands performing. His actions towards his girlfriend were obvious too…he didn’t hold he hand the way he used to, and when they finally took a seat down, he did try to in fact give her a small kiss on the neck but it just didn’t feel right — it wasn’t Zayn. It was as simple as that. The entire day just didn’t feel right now, and then it starts to drizzle, and it’s then when the weather matches how he feels. He knew what he had to do to make the day right so he grabbed his phone when she wasn’t looking and texted him. “Zaaaaaayn, I’m bored…well not bored…just it doesn’t feel right, you know?” A small storm was coming though, and it wasn’t going to make the day any better. 

When Zayn got his text message he was already getting a play by play of what was going between him and her because the paparazzi were quick to upload their photos, and unlike the fans analysis he didn’t notice the difference in his friend’s actions towards his girlfriend and it was giving all of this rage and jealously. And it sucked because he didn’t have the right to be jealous or rage inside when Liam wasn’t even his. 

“Yeah? It doesn’t look like it…” Was the text message Zayn set back before getting absolutely frustrated and decided in his head that he might as well call over Perrie and make things work and pretend like she was the best thing that ever happened to him…

Liam got the text message and he frowned, he got even more miserable because he knew right then and there that he was hurting Zayn once again and he needed to fix things…

—-

_Looking at you makes it harder_  
But I know that you’ll find another  
That doesn’t always make you wanna cry 

It didn’t take long for Liam to leave the scene, the festival was almost over anyway and it started to pour. Running over to Zayn’s place, he got their quicker than Perrie even. Although the storm was starting, and despite the rage in Zayn’s heart, he was right where his best friend needed him most — in his arms. The both of them sobbing and fumbling to the nearest wall in a fiery kiss of passion, love, lust, want, and most of all need. No words exchanged just yet, and the kiss doesn’t stop for a few minutes. Tongues exploring each other’s mouths like it’s the first time, and Zayn’s the one to initiate the the head tilt for an even deeper contact, and then that’s when it stops. Liam pants and licks over his lips as he is reminded of Zayn’s last cigarette. It’s a taste that he never ever thought he’d get used to, but for the next hour or so when he licks his lips he will be reminded and love it. He’d never admit it though, but it’s okay because Zayn knows. 

“I really did miss you.” Liam explained taking Zayn’s hands into his. 

“I know. Your kiss proved it.” Zayn sighed knowing that it was probably killing Liam inside right now that he technically just cheated on his girlfriend. He always wondered how he kept these kisses inside of him, and never told a soul. He felt guilty, so guilty that it probably ate the younger boy alive.

“You’re my number one, Zayn.” 

“Do you promise?” 

“Always and forever.”

“I love you then, Li.” Zayn says it and he knows he shouldn’t have but he can’t help it because he hopes that one day Liam will be able to say it back. He’s got Liam’s touches and kisses and prays that one day that it’ll be more.

“I know, Zee. I know.” Liam answers simply and just pouts at him lifting his head up a little to brush his nose up against his, and then there is a small kiss to his forehead. Liam takes Zayn’s hand and leads him to the couch so they can have a cuddle-sesh. There is a soft sigh from the Bradford as he’s quick to snuggle up and sneak a text to Perrie to turn around and to not come over after all but a promise that she can come tomorrow to hang with his family. It’s not like he can exactly bring Liam to an event like Eid but at least the entire time he’s with her, he can think about this moment in time where Liam’s arms are wrapped so tightly around him, and he feels at peace. 

_I didn’t want us to burn out  
I didn’t come here to hurt you now I can’t stop_

It’s all about these stolen moments. That’s all they have together. The times spent together are few. Sure, they see each other on tour, and hang out when ever they can, but it‘s never the same as being together. Tonight is one of their stolen moments. The world around them ceases to exist as they create another special memory in a night of passion. It was in the rain when he confused how he felt about Zayn but that wasn’t the end of the confessing. When the storm occurred is when it all came out with the thunder and the lightening. Storms were apart of nature, and something really beautiful. Only that depended on how you looked at it. Some think it’s devastating while others could sit and watch it for hours. Liam was like that. And it always triggered something in him, and he liked how it made him feel. It was if there was a storm inside of him just waiting for the perfect time to erupt. 

“I love you, Liam.” Again the words he know’s he shouldn’t say come out as they continue their cuddling.

Liam smiles despite himself, loving the sound of his name on his lips.

The storm outside matches the one in his soul.

_It started with the perfect kiss then_  
We could feel the poison set in  
“Perfect” couldn’t keep this love alive  
You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go 

Zayn sits on the side of the couch and quiets his mind just by looking at him, his alluring hazel eyes always captivate Liam as he searches within him to pinpoint his torment. His love for him is unfaltering but something is not right. It is as if a piece of him is missing. Zayn lays a tender hand over his chest, searching for the rhythm of his heartbeat underneath it. When he finds the force that pushes his blood throughout his body; he closes his eyes and loses himself into its rhythm. It beats strong and steadily under his hand, but without pleasure. Zayn’s face darkens as he feels the struggle that weighs upon his soul. He has never been able to understand his self-doubt, his needless worry about those around him. He is a man that loves and loves completely, but has never been able to accept the love he has for him vs the one for her. He torments himself with their actions, as if it is him failing that he can not make those he loves happy all the time. He has watched Liam become more like a chameleon over two years — changing his desires to meet those around him until he no longer remembers them himself. But they lay deep within him, struggling to come out and he is exhausted trying to suppress them.

_You couldn’t have loved me better, but I want you to move on, so I’m already gone._

Liam lies down beside him and pulls him against his chest. Wrapping his arm around him and holding him securely, he feels him hide beside him. Even in his arms, the arms that have held him a thousand times, he can not be free. It is then that he realizes what his burden is. Liam is afraid of himself. He is afraid of what he might do if he allows himself to feel what he has bottled up inside him. Zayn leans over and kisses him gently, bringing his lips to his own. The storm gets louder, as so does the storm in his heart as the whirling power surrounds them, Liam holds onto him tighter and presses his lips against his, creating a vacuum without escape. 

_You can’t make it feel right, when it’s already gone._

Zayn holds him close and feels him strengthen. He lowers his head and kisses his neck, suckling the skin until he can not separate the pounding of his heart from the tonguing on his neck. Liam’s body is alive and almost as charged as the lightening that crashes against the sky. Finally Liam’s desire has turned to passion and he gives into it freely as he lets go of whom he thinks he should be and embraces who he is and he is Zayn’s. And he’s in love with Zayn. Completely. It’s a shame that Zayn is already gone.

_Remember all the things we wanted_  
Now all our memories, they’re haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye 


End file.
